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Buddhism and Marriage
As in all Buddhist teachings, the institution of marriage
is considered a personal and individual concern. It is not
considered a religious duty or a sacrament ordained in
heaven. It is rather a social convention designed to promote
well being and happiness and to distinguish humans from
animal life.
Because Buddhists are accepting of other religions, even
within the same household, there are no religious laws that
require that both individuals in a marriage should be
Buddhist or that conversion to either's religious conviction
is warranted or expected.
Although the Buddha expressed no specific rules and
regulations regarding marriage, advice on leading a happy
married life was offered, and suggested that fidelity and
loyalty are the most essential attributes of a happy marriage.
Other attributes include:
- Supporting one's parents
- Loving one's spouse and children
- Being generous
- Having a sense of duty
- Helping relatives and acting blamelessly
- Reverence, humility, contentment, gratitude and
listening to the Dharma (teachings)
The Five Precepts, a central teaching of Buddhism,
offers a framework for a successful and happy marriage.
Refrain from destroying or harming living
creatures - A partner's actions should never lead to
harm of any kind including emotional suffering. Every
action with regard to a partner should be based on the
teaching of respect and love.
Refrain from taking that which is not given -
In the context of marriage, this precept expresses the
need to maintain an equal and respectful relationship
and to share the duties and responsibilities of married
life and family.
Refrain from sexual misconduct - One should be
faithful to one's spouse and not participate in
adulterous relationships. Respectful attention to the
sexual needs and desires of one's spouse is an important
part of refraining from misconduct.
Refrain from false speech - Marriage should be
based in truthfulness. An essential component of this
precept is to create and maintain an open channel of
communication between spouses.
Refrain from intoxicating drugs or drink which
cloud the mind - As a clear mind is important in
living one's life, so too are clear headedness and clear
thinking essential components in married life.
There are no religious laws regarding the necessity of
marriage or of having children in the Buddhist tradition.
Buddhist monks who renounce worldly existence do not
marry and are celibate. They are not allowed to attend
marriage ceremonies and therefore do not perform wedding
services. However, they can offer blessings to couples.
There is no official marriage ceremony, and regional
customs and practices provide a wide range of ceremonial
elements. It is common, however, to include the Homage to
the Buddha, "Homage to The Exalted One, The Liberated
One, The Fully Enlightened One." The Three Refuges,
"I seek refuge in the Enlightened One, Buddha, I seek refuge
in the Way to Enlightenment, Dharma, I seek refuge in the
Enlightened Community, Sangha," and the recitation of
the Five Precepts (see above.)
From the Sigalovada Sutta, the roles and
responsibilities are presented and provide a structure for
successful married life.
"In five ways... should a wife... be ministered to by
a husband:
- by being courteous to her
- by not despising her
- by being faithful to her
- by handing over authority to her
- by providing her with adornments
The wife, thus ministered to... by her husband shows
her compassion to her husband in five ways:
- she performs her duties well
- she is hospitable to relations and attendants
- she is faithful
- she protects what he brings
- she is skilled and industrious in discharging her
duties."
The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and
understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and
understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."
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